oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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