they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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