ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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