i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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