so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Everything about him screamed your future.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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