People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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