you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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