I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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