Fuck appropriateness.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
