Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
