I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
