jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
