I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So squirting runs in the family.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
