Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
