Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
