we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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