my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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