We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
