Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
