is your mom at the bar?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
FUCK WHALES
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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