theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
