No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
try to milk me bitch
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize