You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
