So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
