Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
