Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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