No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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