the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
