did you get engaged???
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
