Can i not drive my cunt home
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well you can't waste a boner
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
