Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
