why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
