Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
