I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
