and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
4 words: hood of his car
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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