I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
