Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
