in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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