I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
