Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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