As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we should paint friendship bongs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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