Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
