My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
