brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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