I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
