"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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