you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
