He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
