Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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