is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
