It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
