they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
