im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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