i think my tv is drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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