I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need moral support for this bender
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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