i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
