I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
