After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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