If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
