ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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