I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
